put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
