I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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