I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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