he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
