I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
