There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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