dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
