im gay
i know
yea but for you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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