Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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