when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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