I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
