Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
