apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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