I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
