I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
