I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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