walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
