I think my fart just growled at me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
