it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point