my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.