you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?