I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook