Texts From Last Night

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  (409): View more from Texas

  Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,

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  (409): Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better, http://tfl.nu/6vha
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (2438)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it hurts more in the daytime

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  (512): it hurts more in the daytime http://tfl.nu/5j5m
  Replies (13) Good night (724) Bad night (2469)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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  (954): My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet. http://tfl.nu/5qcs
  Replies (48) Good night (1171) Bad night (2941)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (12) Good night (4910) Bad night (1888)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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  (940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9
  Replies (13) Good night (4224) Bad night (899)
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  (950): View more from

  The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.

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  (950): The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching. http://tfl.nu/hw3q
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (1081)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.

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  (708): I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me. http://tfl.nu/lj2n
  Replies (3) Good night (1303) Bad night (550)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.

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  (814): The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise. http://tfl.nu/8q09
  Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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  (832): I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle. (214): I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity http://tfl.nu/3j7l
  Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (397)
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  (693): View more from

  You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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  (693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop
  Replies (4) Good night (412) Bad night (585)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?

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  (913): Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick? http://tfl.nu/db75
  Replies (6) Good night (718) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...

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  (916): Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics... http://tfl.nu/bmtp
  Replies (1) Good night (740) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.

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  (313): I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way. http://tfl.nu/m2c2
  Replies (4) Good night (1033) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street

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  (850): So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street http://tfl.nu/mxrn
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!

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  (416): I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!! http://tfl.nu/9ge9
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (220)

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