I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
