A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
