Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
