he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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