I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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