Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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