So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
