Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
