That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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