i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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