For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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