kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
