I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
