uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
