ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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