I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
