she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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