my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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