dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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