I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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