I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
