Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
