did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
