Swine flu. Run for my life!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
