My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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