Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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