There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
