so explain again why im purple
no
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
