Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
