I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
