Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
