we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
