The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
