I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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