AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
