Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
