shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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