If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
