So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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