YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
PANTIES FOUND
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