how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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