Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
