I just made out with a guy for $7.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
