Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Will you blow on my dice?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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