So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
