I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
