it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
