then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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