Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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