a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
barbara walters just said penis...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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