He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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