Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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