How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
