No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
