his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
