Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
