Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize