Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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