he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
