It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
